Home Study complete!

There has been quiet a lapse since the last post. We have made major strides in the adoption process. We completed our home study last weekend. It was quiet an ordeal - at least in my head. We had to child proof everything! It probably needed to be done with Cole anyway but it made me so nervous if I has missed anything. We practiced fire drills, and many many more things that we don't ordinarily do and she didn't even look in the closets. Fortunately we had a very sweet social worker. She was at my house for 4 hours last Friday and almost 3 hours last Saturday. Bryan and I did do a little celebration dance as she drove out of our driveway!! She knows more about us than we know about ourselves!! I received the home study last night and made a few changes. As I am typing this, the official lady that looks everything over should be looking it over and hopefully will have it to Holt on Tuesday or Wednesday. Once Holt approves it they will send me a letter and copy of my home study to send off to immigration.. Since it is quickly approaching the holidays I am hoping that this process is not slowed down too much.

My heart and mind are all over the place right now - well have actually been since this started and that probably isn't going to change anytime soon. The truth is that our baby is probably being born around now or is about to be. This brings such crazy unexpected sadness to me.
I know you didn't expect me to say sad but you see I am not Plan A in this childs life. With their birth comes great emotion towards the birth mom, who is the only other person on Earth who loves this baby as much as I do. But she or the dad is about to make the hardest decision ever and one that no parent should EVER have to make. A decision for LIFE. See in Ethiopia - giving your child up for adoption means you want them to live, live better than ever possible there. Without a belly full of parasites, and truly clean water to drink and something to eat and to be able to see a doctor when needed. Those are the things on the birth familys mind as they are about to make a very difficult decision.

About the birth, I just wonder will I really know how it went, was it day, were there family there to hug and love the baby or was she alone to give birth. I am most confident that people didn't / aren't sleeping in waiting rooms for hours so excited for this to happen like there were when both of my kids were born or like I did when my sweet niece Sadie was born - even for 24 hours. We went this last Sunday night to the Christmas musical at church. In front of me sat one of my brother, Adam's friends from high school with his little 3 week old son. He was loving all over that sweet baby and it was wonderful to most people sitting near me but for some strange reason it was heartbreaking for me. Not because of them they are awesome. But MY baby possibly the same age will most likely not be held and loved and kissed and cuddled and feel that same feeling that baby received that night or that both of my kids did - until I can get my hands on them but they may be 1 by then!! I just prayed for God to comfort our child in a way I have done my own kids. To prepare its heart to know that WE are coming SOON. Please take a minute and say a prayer for this birth mom who is designed to be Plan A but by circumstances out of her control is counting on a good Plan B and for the child that she is to have but we are too raise. We could not be happier to be Plan B.